He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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