Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
