I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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