I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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