waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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