I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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