Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
