And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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