He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
