genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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