I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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