i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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