I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
