We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
