Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
40s are totally the cure
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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