tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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