If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize