I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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