Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
