SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there was a trapeze. enough said
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
