And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My dick has a subreddit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
