hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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