i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
