where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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