Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize