He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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