What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
