everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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