Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize