I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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