Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
