What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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