I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
