I wish I only lived at night.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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