I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
