theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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