Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We need to get me chipped asap
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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