WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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