i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
