my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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