i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish i was in the wii world.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
