i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
