I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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