Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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