apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have tasted many bathrooms
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
