I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
