Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
