no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
