Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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