I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize