Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I looked at my own cervix.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
