you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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