We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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