why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
