She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
