My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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