How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
