addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
