Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
