Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
