I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
