I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
