If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
