please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
They should really pass out barf bags in church
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
