I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
