I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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