That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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