It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize