Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
