gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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