seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize